WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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