I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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