i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
