Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
