I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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