I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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