she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
