You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
