You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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