I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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