My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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