He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
