i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
