We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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