My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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