I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
