Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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