You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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