So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
