When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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