Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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