I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
