Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
