Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
