How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
