What did we do last night that was yellow?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
