she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
