I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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