Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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