I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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