just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
