He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
