Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
