i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
