haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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