you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
