Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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