let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
