Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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