the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
