On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
