at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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