so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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