can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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