Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
