why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
