I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
