Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize