very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
