I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
