if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
