as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
honey bunches of taint.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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