i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
