My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
