I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's blow job season.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
