hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
