OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
