ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
