remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I believe in your delicious
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
