What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
