bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
