I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
