ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
