You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
