WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i've created a new STD.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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