I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
