i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
