I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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