Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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