so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize