I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize