I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
