I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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