she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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