lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
