Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
