:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
