I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
