the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
